Recipe: Adventures in Cheese – Biohazard Discovered!

I made the mistake not too long ago of getting into a mood to taste some cheeses I had not had before.  Well, for whatever reason, being somewhat of a gastronomical adventurer, I did pick up a couple of the blue-veined types, a couple of other somewhat unfamiliar cow and goat cheeses, and some of the more adventuresome creamy/oozie/smelly types.  Note – you can’t really get too adventurous in the US since all imported cheeses are made from pasteurized milk and the French (and others I’m sure) would say that this automatically eliminates most of the “flavor” and adventure from the cheese experience.  Nonetheless, I’d say that I really do enjoy a good blue cheese – especially with a nice apple or tart accompaniment.
Some of the oozie/smelly types were OK – most of which for me were nothing to write home about, but I did run into one cheese that was quite unique, and most of us have heard of it before – maybe as a gag in a Looney Tune cartoon, though I am not sure if any of you have been foolish enough to try it.
Limburger  Cheese.
All I can say is that when I first approached this cheese, it was with some definite trepidation.  If you’ve never smelled a good pungent Limburger, you’ve never quite experienced what a dirty diaper that has been left to sit in the bottom of a diaper pail for a week or so smells like.  I personally was a bit put off by that initial experience, but never to be one to count purely on first impressions – I decided to actually open the wrapper to the cheese.
Yes – the smell was sufficiently pungent as to have escaped the seams of what seemed to be a hermetically sealed container and still stunk quite uniquely.  When opening the wrapper, the foul effluvium that met my nostrils was quite enough to bring tears to my eyes, much less entice any level of appetite.
Before I go any further, I’ll give some data about the cheese (aside from the initial first impression).  I can say that Limburger is a smooth, somewhat creamy semi-soft cheese, that otherwise looks pretty harmless.  Borrowed from its Wikipedia entry (does everything have its own Wiki entry?):

• The bacteria used to ferment Limburger cheese and other rind-washed cheeses is Brevibacterium linens; this same bacteria is found on human skin and is partially responsible for human body odor. A likely reason for this is that the monks of Limburg who created the cheese would originally mix the milk and curds into cheese by stomping it with their feet.

Well, I did take the next step and taste it.  It is (for me) probably the most horrendous thing that I ever put in my mouth.  In truth, I was surprised how strong a reaction I had and how quickly I had it.  Within seconds of allowing the first nibble to coat my tongue, I was definitely spitting it out and looking for the quickest way of disinfecting my mouth of this vile comestible.  I did NOT go in for a second try.
What was even more fascinating was the effect the smell had on the house.  I had thrown the cheese into the garbage and buried it under a bunch of other stuff.  I then ended up going to the local store to get some miscellaneous items and when I came back the wife and kids were hysterical. They were tearing the house apart trying to figure out what in the world had happened that has caused the entire downstairs portion of the house to smell like a dead body.  I should point out this was an 8oz chunk of limburger.  It really, in my mind, qualifies as a biological hazard – and should be investigated as a possible weapon of mass destruction.  In fact, (borrowing from the Wiki entry yet again) there are various instances of Limburger cheese being the primary component of a practical joke – and I can attest that these allusions below are 100% accurate and would work as described:

• In Bob and Ray’s sketch about a retiring baseball player who gets (and gives) no respect from the younger generation, Ray talks about some “young punk” ballplayer having stealthily smeared some Limburger on the inside of his cap liner, and “It took me a month to track that down!”
• Mark Twain authored a short story, “The Invalid’s Story,” in which a package of limburger cheese, placed atop a casket, emits a smell mistaken by some for the corpse’s stench.

Anyway, I figured some folks might get some amusement in my little adventure with cheeses. I would be fascinated to hear if anyone actually likes that particular cheese….    (definitely lowered my opinion of eating local specialties if/when I visit Belgium).
-Mike Rothman